joke.id,joke.ts,joke.title,joke.content,joke.category_1_x_joke_id
1,"2018-04-12 01:20:21","Alligator Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Alligator Short Jokes Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator Q: What's the similarity between a Alligator and Windows? A: Neither of them has enough bytes! Q: How many arms has a alligator got? A: Depends how far he has got with eating his dinner! Q: Why don't alligators like fast food? A: Because they can't catch it! Q: What do you get if you cross a alligator with a flower? A: I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it! Q: Did you hear about the law firm with the most intimidating lawyers? A: It's filled with liti-gators. Q: What do you call a crocodile with GPS? A: A Navi-gator. Q: What do alligators call human children? A: Appetizers. Q: Who gives alligators presents on Christmas? A: Santa Jaws! Q: What's worse than one alligator coming to dinner? A: Two alligators coming to dinner Q: What do alligators drink before a race? A: Gator-Ade. Q: Why are alligators comedians so funny? A: Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth! Q: Why won't alligators attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy! Q: Why shouldn't you shoot an alligator? A: He'll just bite the bullet and make the best of it. Q: What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind? A: A tail-gater. Q: What do yuppie alligators like to drink A: Jaw-va Q: What was the nerd alligators favorite programming language A: Jaw-va Q: What do you call an alligator that makes others fight? A: An Instigator. Q: What is an alligators favorite smell? A: Human blood. Q: What do you get a girl that likes crocodiles? A: All I got her is shoes. Q: What do you call a man too big for an alligator to eat? A: a jawbreaker. Q: Did you hear about the crocodile who became a congressman? A: He was an expert dele-gator. Q: Why shouldn't you taunt an alligator? A: Because it might come back to bite you in the end. Q: What do you call a reptile that works on a farm? A: An irri-gator. Q: What's the difference between a dog and a gator? A: One's bark is worst than his bite. An alligator can go through 3,000 teeth in a lifetime. Got infected from an alligator bite, now I have gatoraids. An alligator walks into Sea World and says whale whale whale what have we here. See ya later alligator, getting wild crocodile The news reported that an alligator had been found in the Artic, the locals said they were not surprised because they were expecting a cold snap! Customer: ""Do you have alligator shoes?"" Clerk: ""Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"" Alligator Bar Jokes Walks into a Bar A man walked into a Florida bar with his alligator and asked the bartender: ""Do you serve lawyers here?"" ""Sure."" ""Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my alligator."" Double Dare One day, a very rich man announced in a party that if any person present in the party dares to swim across the swimming pool which has more than twenty crocodiles, he will be awarded with either half of the rich man's property or his beautiful daughter. After a period of silence, the rich man saw a young man splashed into the pool swimming as fast as he can, with all his efforts, saving himself from the crocodiles. And at last, he survived through the pool. Everybody started clapping. The rich man was overjoyed with the young man's bravery. He congratulated him and then asked what do you want, my property or daughter. To this, the man replied, ""Sir, neither I want your property, nor your daughter, I just want the man who threw me in the water."" Army Training At an army training camp in Florida, the Seargent is giving a talk: ""The main quality we look for in this army is commitment and this is what I call commitment."" An alligator came in the room and bit the seargents penis. It stayed there for about a 10 seconds then the seargent poked it in the eyes and kicked it off. ""Now who's ready to show their commitment?"" said the Seargent. A man put his hand up and said ""I will, but promise you won't poke me in the eyes."" Rich Millionaire A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two alligators in it. 'I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.' So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened. In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the tails come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the alligators are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked. The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, 'I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?' the millionaire asks. The guy grabs the microphone and says, 'Why don't we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!' Alligator Shoes A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting ""I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own ""croc!,"" to which the shopkeeper replied, ""by all means, just watch out for those two ""ole boys"" who are doing the same!"". So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. 'They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already laying Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed ""Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"". The Alligator Does Tricks A guy walks into a bar with a crocodile. The bartender goes, ""You can't bring that animal in here!"" But the guy says, ""Hey, he does tricks. Watch!"" He taps on the crocodile's head, and the beast opens its mouth. The guy unzips his pants, whips out his vulnerable member, and puts it in the crocodile's mouth. Then he taps on the crocodile's head again, and the beast closes its mouth. Everyone in the bar is aghast. The guy gets his penis out, and he goes, ""I'll give 100 bucks to anyone who can do that."" Everyone is really, really quiet. Suddenly, a drunk shouts, ""I... I think I can do that. But I don't think I can leave my mouth open that long!"" How do You? A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her ""How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"" The teacher said ""I don't know, how?"" Jacob then said ""You open the door and put it in there!"" Then Jacob asked the teacher another question ""How do you put a girraffe in the fridge?"" The teacher then replied ""Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"" Jacob said ""No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."" Then he asked another question...""All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"" The teacher a bit confused and said ""The lion?"" Then the student said ""No,the girraffe because he's still in the fridge."" then he asked her just one more question....""If there is a river full of alligators and you wanted to get across it,how would you"" The teacher then says ""You would walk over the bridge."" Then Jacob says ""No, you would swim across because all the alligators are at the lions birthday party!"" She laughs and walks away.","{
    ""1"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
2,"2018-04-12 01:20:26","Alligator Shoes Joke","Back to: Animal Jokes A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting ""I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own ""croc!,"" to which the shopkeeper replied, ""by all means, just watch out for those two ""ole boys"" who are doing the same!"". So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. 'They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already laying Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed ""Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"".","{
    ""2"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 2,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
3,"2018-04-12 01:20:30","Alpaca Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Wanna go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch. Q: What do you call Alpacas taking over the world? A: The Alpacalypse. Q: What do you call an alpaca with a carrot in each ear? A: Anything you want as he can't hear you! Q: What did the grape say when the alpaca stood on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Q: Why did the alpaca cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done! Q: When does a alpaca go ""moo""? A: When it is learning a new language! Q: What do you call it when Alpacas sing? A: Alpacapella. Q: What's more amazing than a talking alpaca? A: A spelling bee! Q: What did they alpaca say to the blade of grass? A: Nice knawing you! Road trip? Alpaca my bags. The Wife A guy brings a Alpaca home , tells his wife it's a pet. She asks , ""Where are you going to keep it?"" He repies , ""In the bedroom."" ""But what about that horrible nasty smell?' , she asks. ""I got used to you , I'm sure he will too!"" Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a Alpaca walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the Alpacaes mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the Alpaca. ""Your name is written inside the cover."" Night of Drinking A man and his pet Alpaca walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: ""Last call."" So, the man says, ""One more for me... and one more for my Alpaca."" The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the Alpaca falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: ""Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."" To which the man replies: ""That's not a lion, that's a Alpaca."" Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a Alpaca sitting next to him. ""Are you a Alpaca?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The Alpaca replied, ""Well, I liked the book.""","{
    ""3"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 3,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
4,"2018-04-12 01:20:32","Animal Football Joke","Back to: Animal Jokes The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. ""I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I've seen it on T.V."" He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin. The lion's team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick. He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeast, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six. Unfortunately, they lacked a placekicker, and the score remained 6 - 0. Late in the first half the lion's team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point. The lion's team led at halftime 7 - 6. In the locker room, the lion gave a peptalk. ""Look you guys. We can win this game. We've got the lead and they only have one real threat. We've got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he's a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino."" The second half began. Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino's team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino. Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running. First, he stomped two gazelles. He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way. It looked like he was home free. Suddenly at the twenty yard line, he dropped over dead. There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him. The lion went over to see what had happened. Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede. ""Did you do this?"" he asked the centipede. ""Yeah, I did."" the centipede replied. The lion retorted, ""Where were you during the first half?"" ""I was putting on my shoes.""","{
    ""4"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 4,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
5,"2018-04-12 01:20:34","Animal Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: Why don't they play poker in the jungle? A: Too many cheetahs. Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma? A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause. Q: Where do dogs go when they lose their tails? A: To the retail store. Q: What kind of dog tells time? A: A watch dog. Q: What has four legs and an arm? A: A happy pit bull. Q: Why is a tree like a dog? A: Because they both lose their bark when they die. Q: Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund? A: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie. Q: Did you hear about the new breed in pet shops? A: They crossed a pit bull with a collie; it bites your leg off and goes for help. Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed? A: Your nose is touching the ceiling. Q: Why did the turtle cross the road? A: To get to the Shell station! Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road? A: To get to the car accident on the other side. Q: Why did chicken Jim Morrison cross the road? A: To break on through to the other side. Q: Why do birds fly South? A: Because it's too far to walk. Q: Why do hummingbirds hum? A: Because they don't know the words. Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink? A: To a crow bar. Q: Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire? A: He was going to make a long-distance caw. Q: What did the chick say when it saw an orange in the nest? A: Look at the orange mama laid. Q: Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers? A: No, you should eat your fingers separately. Q: Why do hens lay eggs? A: If they dropped them, they'd break. Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea? A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels. Q: Diner: Do you serve chicken here? A: Waiter: Sit down, sir. We serve anyone. Q: Diner: I can't eat this chicken. Call the manager. A: Waiter: It's no use. He can't eat it either. Q: Which side of a chicken has the most feathers? A: The outside. Q: What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede? A: A walkie-talkie, of course. Q: Have you heard of that disease that you get from kissing birds? A: Chirpes. It's one of those canarial diseases. I hear it's untweetable. Q: Why did the farmer name his pig ink? A: Because he kept running ot of his pen","{
    ""5"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 5,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
6,"2018-04-12 01:20:38","Ant Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Why was the baby ant confused? Because all his uncles were ants. What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes? Antteneye! What do you call an and with frogs legs? An antphibian! What do you call an ant that won't go away? Permanant Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat? Because he was pissed off. What kind of ants are very learned? Pedants! What do you call an ant who can't speak? A mutant (mute ant). Why did the ant cross the road? Because he needed to buy deodorant! What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? deadant deadant deadant deadant. What do you call a well-dressed ant? Elegant! If three ants are lost in a jungle. Who do u call to find them? The Minister of finance.(find-ants) What do you call an ant who can't play the piano? Discordant! What kind of ant is good at maths? An accountant! Where do ants go for their holidays? Frants! What do you call an ant who skips school? A truant! What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics? All sorts of antics! What do you call an ant in space? Cosmonants & Astronants! What medicine would you give an ill ant? Antibiotics! What is smaller than an ant's dinner? An ant's mouth! What do you call an ant who lives with your great uncle? Your great-ant! Who was the most famous ant scientist? Albert Antstein! What games to ants play with elephants? Squash! What do you call an ant who can't find his way back home? Incogniz-ant Why are ants bad at spelling? They only know Conson-ants What do you call a 100 year old ant? An antique! What kind of ant can you colour with? A crayant! What do you call an ant who likes to be alone? An independant Who is the most famous French ant? Napoleant! What do you call an ant with lots of bling? Extravag-ant Did you hear about the ant that wasn't allowed in the Catholic Church? He was Protest-ant. Why did the ant-elope? Nobody gnu! What do you call an ant running away with another ant? Antelope. What do ants eat for breakfast? Croiss-ants What do you call an ant that doesn't eat cake? Queen Ant-oinette What is the biggest ant in the world? An elephant! Why don't anteaters get sick? Because they are full of antibodies! Where do ants go to eat? At a restaurant! What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant Did you hear about the ant that was good at solving quadratic equations? He was brill-ant. How do you know if an ant is a male or a female. They would call them uncles if they were males. I felt so guilty after I stepped on that ant this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed. Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a colony of ants walked up to him carrying the Bible on their backs. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book from the ants, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the ants. ""Your name is written inside the cover.""","{
    ""6"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 6,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
7,"2018-04-12 01:20:42","Antelope Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: What does a lion call an antelope? A: Fast Food. Q: Why couldn't the wildebeests get married? A: Because they cantelope. (cant elope) Q: What do you call an antelope with a carrot in each ear? A: Anything you want as he can't hear you! Q: What did the grape say when the antelope stood on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Q: Why did the antelope cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done! Q: When does a antelope go ""roarrrr""? A: When it is learning a new language! Q: What's more amazing than a talking antelope? A: A spelling bee! Q: What did they antelope say to the blade of grass? A: Nice knawing you! The Wife A guy brings a Antelope home , tells his wife it's a pet. She asks , ""Where are you going to keep it?"" He repies , ""In the bedroom."" ""But what about that horrible nasty smell?' , she asks. ""I got used to you , I'm sure he will too!"" Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the savannah. Three weeks later, a Antelope walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the Antelopees mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the Antelope. ""Your name is written inside the cover."" Night of Drinking A man and his pet Antelope walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: ""Last call."" So, the man says, ""One more for me... and one more for my Antelope."" The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the Antelope falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: ""Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."" To which the man replies: ""That's not a lion, that's a Antelope."" Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a Antelope sitting next to him. ""Are you a Antelope?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The Antelope replied, ""Well, I liked the book.""","{
    ""7"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 7,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
8,"2018-04-12 01:20:47","Ape Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: Why did the ape fall out of the tree? A: It was dead. Q: Why don't the apes in the jungle play poker any more? A: There are just too many Cheetahs. What do you call an exploding ape? A baboom. Do Apes kiss? Yes, but never on the first date! What do they feed a gorilla when he goes to Paris? Ape Suzettes! How did Gertie Gorilla make the 'Playboy' Calendar? She was 'Miss Ape-ril!' How do you make an Ape float? Two scoops of ice cream, some club soda and a very tasty Gorilla! How does a Gorilla become another animal? When a Mafia don hires a 'big Gorilla' to be his bodyguard and the big Ape goes to the cops and turns into a stool pigeon! How do you make an Ape laugh? Tell it a whale of a tale! What did the great Ape say as he plummeted from the skyscraper? Listen baby, I think I'm falling for you! What did the great Ape shout to the pilots who tried to shoot him off the skyscraper? Listen, hotshots, don't monkey around with me! If you put 30 female Apes and 30 male Apes in a bedroom, what do you have? A very large bedroom. If you throw a great Ape into one of the Great Lakes, what will it become? Wet! Q: What's black and dangerous and lives in a tree? A: A ape with a machine gun. Q: Why are apes so noisy? A: They were raised in a zoo! How come the giant Ape climbed up the side of the skyscraper? The elevator was broken! What do you call an ape with a hat and wand? Hairy potter. Q: What do baby apes sleep in? A: Ape-ricots! Q: What's the first thing an ape learns in school? A: The ape b c's! Q: When do monkeys fall from the sky? A: During ape-ril showers. Q: Which sea will make you go ape? A: The chimpan-sea! Q: What is a ape's favorite cookie? A: Chocolate chimp! What does a Ape attorney study? The Law of the jungle! What excuse does an Ape give for abducting a pretty girl? I can't help it - she brings out the beast in me! What happened when the Ape won the door prize? He didn't take it - he already had a door! What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus? You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves! What happens when you throw one banana to two hungry Apes? A banana split! When did the Apes start to picket the cookie factory? The day they started to manufacture animal crackers! When the lumberjacks sawed down the tree, where did the Ape hiding in the uppermost branches land? Nearby - the Ape-lle doesn't fall far from the tree! Which author do the Gorillas love most? Joh Steinbeck - who wrote 'The Apes of Wrath!' Which book makes prudish Gorillas blush? The Naked Ape! Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed by an Ape jumping off a tall building? Fall-adelphia! Which drink makes a Gorilla feel tipsy? An ape-ricot sour! Which technique does a Ape borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug! Who is the Apes favourite President of recent years? Hairy Truman! Why couldn't the Ape pitcher make it in the major leagues? His balk was worse than his bite! Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two? Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare! Why did the actor fire his Gorilla agent? The big Ape kept wanting to take more than a 10% bite! Why did the Gorilla fail English? He had little Ape-titude! Why should you always refuse to lend an Ape money? It's dangerous to let him put the bite on you! Q: Why do apes have big nostrils? A: They have big fingers. Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head? A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)! Q: What's a monkey's favourite type of computer? A: an Ape-le mac! Q: What's a monkey's favourite fruit? A: An ape-le! Q: What do apes do when they're mad at each other? A: They have a Gorilla war! Q: Why did the ape go to the doctor? A: Because his banana wasn't peeling very well! Q: What do monkeys read? A: The 'apers Q: What's an apes favourite drink? A: A sas-gorilla. Q: What do monkeys wear when they are cooking? A: Ape-rons! Q: How do apes get down the stairs? A: They slide down the banana-ster! Q: What do apes do when they go mad? A: Go bananas! Q: Where do chimpanzees keep their babies? A: In apricots! Q: What do you call a ape playing quidditch? A: A hairy potter!! Q: What's a ape's favourite pop group? A: Bananarama! Q: What is a ape's favourite toy? A: A Bab-boom-orang! Q: What do you call six green apes? A: A bunch of gr-apes! Q: What sort of key does a ape need to open a banana? A: A monk-key! Q: What did the monkey say to the other monkey that went mad? A: You've gone completely ape! Q: Where do apes like to get their hair cut? A: Vidal Baboon! Q: Why do apes tell such bad stories? A: Because they have no tales! Q: What did the banana say to the ape? A: Nothing, bananas don't talk! How do You? A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her ""How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"" The teacher said ""I don't know, how?"" Jacob then said ""You open the door and put it in there!"" Then Jacob asked the teacher another question ""How do you put an ape in the fridge?"" The teacher then replied ""Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"" Jacob said ""No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."" Then he asked another question...""All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"" The teacher a bit confused and said ""The lion?"" Then the student said ""No,the ape because he's still in the fridge."" then he asked her just one more question....""If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"" The teacher then says ""You would walk over the bridge."" Then Jacob says ""No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"" She laughs and walks away.","{
    ""8"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 8,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
9,"2018-04-12 01:20:54","Baboon Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: What do you call a flying primate? A: A hot air baboon! Q: What do you call a naughty monkey? A: A badboon! Q: What do you call an exploding monkey? A: A baBOOM! Q: What is a Baboon's favorite cookie? A: Chocolate chimp! Q: What kind of monkey flies to school? A: A hot air baboon. How did Gertie Baboon win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show! How do you prepare a Baboon sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae! What did George Washington have to do with Baboons? As little as possible, dummy! What do you feed a 600 pound Baboon? Anything it wants! What does a Baboon attorney study? The Law of the jungle! What does a Baboon learn first in school? The Apey-cees! What gives a Baboon good taste? Four years in an Ivy League school! What happens if you cross a parrot with a Baboon? Nobody is sure, but if it opened its mouth to speak, you'd listen! When did the Baboons start to picket the cookie factory? The day they started to manufacture animal crackers! Which author do the Baboons love most? Joh Steinbeck - who wrote 'The Apes of Wrath!' Which drink makes a Baboon feel tipsy? An ape-ricot sour! Which technique does a Baboon borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug! Who is the Baboons' favourite President of recent years? Hairy Truman! Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Baboons during World War Two? Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare! Why did the actor fire his Baboon agent? The big Ape kept wanting to take more than a 10% bite! Why did the female Baboon, engaged to the invisible man, call off the wedding? Because in the last analysis she just couldn't see it! Why did the Baboon fail English? He had little Ape-titude! Why do waiters like Baboons better than flies? Did you ever hear a customer complain 'Waiter, there's a Baboon in my soup!' Q: Why do Baboons have big nostrils? A: They have big fingers. How do you make a Baboon laugh? Tell it a whale of a tale! How do you make a Baboon float? Two scoops of ice cream, some club soda and a very tasty Baboon! Q: Why don't the Baboons in the jungle play poker any more? A: There are just too many Cheetahs. Q: Why are Baboons so noisy? A: They were raised in a zoo! How did a Baboon come to be with Washington at Valley Forge? He had seen a sign saying, 'Uncle Simian Wants You!' Q: Why do Baboons have big nostrils? A: Because they have big fingers! Q: Why did the Baboon fall out of the tree? A: It was dead. Q: What do Baboons do when they're mad at each other? A: They have a Gorilla war! Q: Why did the Baboon go to the doctor? A: Because his banana wasn't peeling very well! Q: What should you do if you find a Baboon sitting at your school desk? A: Sit somewhere else! Q: What's a Baboon's favourite drink? A: A sas-gorilla. Q: How do Baboons get down the stairs? A: They slide down the banana-ster! Q: What do Baboons do when they go mad? A: Go bananas! Q: What do you call a Baboon playing quidditch? A: A hairy potter!! Q: What's a Baboons's favourite pop group? A: Bananarama! Q: What is a Baboons's favourite toy? A: A Bab-boom-orang! Q: What sort of key does a Baboon need to open a banana? A: A monk-key! Q: Where do Baboons like to get their hair cut? A: Vidal Baboon! Q: What's a Baboons favourite music band? A: The Gorillaz! Q: What did the banana say to the Baboon? A: Nothing, bananas don't talk! How do You? A student named Jacob was sitting in class one day and the teacher walked by and he asked her ""How do you put an elephant in the fridge?"" The teacher said ""I don't know, how?"" Jacob then said ""You open the door and put it in there!"" Then Jacob asked the teacher another question ""How do you put a baboon in the fridge?"" The teacher then replied ""Ohh I know this one, you open the door and put it in there?"" Jacob said ""No, you open the door, take the elephant out, and then you put it in there."" Then he asked another question...""All the animals went to the lions birthday party, except one animal, which one was it?"" The teacher a bit confused and said ""The lion?"" Then the student said ""No,the baboon because he's still in the fridge."" then he asked her just one more question....""If there is a river full of crocodiles and you wanted to get across it,how would you"" The teacher then says ""You would walk over the bridge."" Then Jacob says ""No, you would swim across because all the crocodiles are at the lions birthday party!"" She laughs and walks away.","{
    ""9"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 9,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
10,"2018-04-12 01:20:59","Baby Bears Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said ""No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly."" ""OK,"" said the judge, ""then you want to live with your mother, right?"" ""No way!"" replied baby bear, ""She beats me worse than Papa bear does."" The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. ""Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?"" asked the judge. ""Yes,"" answered baby bear, ""my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago."" ""You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?"" asked the judge. ""Oh definitely,"" said baby bear, ""the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody.""","{
    ""10"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 10,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
11,"2018-04-12 01:21:01","Badger Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: What do you call an Badger with a carrot in each ear? A: Anything you want as he can't hear you! Q: What did the grape say when the badger stood on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Q: Why did the badger cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done! Q: When does a badger go ""moo""? A: When it is learning a new language! Q: What do Honey Badgers drink? A: Mead. Q: Where do Badgers come from? A: Wisconsin. Q: Why did the badger sleep under the car? A: Because he wanted to wake up oily. Q: What do you call a badger that can pick up an elephant ? A: Sir! Husband & Wife A husband and wife are driving home and run over a badger, they get out and find its still breathing but freezing cold. The husband says ""Put it between your legs to warm it up"" Wife replies ""But its all wet and it stinks!"" Husband says ""Well hold its nose!"". Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a badger walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the badger's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the badger. ""Your name is written inside the cover."" Pickup Truck A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of badgers. He pulls the guy over and says... ""You can't drive around with badgers in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."" The guy says ""OK""... and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of badgers, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands... ""I thought I told you to take these badgers to the zoo yesterday?"" The guy replies... ""I did . . . today I'm taking them to the beach!"" Nasty Little Boy A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a badger in the other. ""Now Listen here,"" the policeman said, ""Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"" ""In that case,"" said the boy. ""I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"" Night of Drinking A man and his pet badger walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: ""Last call."" So, the man says, ""One more for me... and one more for my badger."" The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the badger falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: ""Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."" To which the man replies: ""That's not a lion, that's a badger."" Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a badger sitting next to him. ""Are you a badger?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The badger replied, ""Well, I liked the book.""","{
    ""11"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 11,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
12,"2018-04-12 01:21:07","Bat Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: What's a bats favorite desert? A: I-Scream! Q: How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? A: Every night he turns into a bat. Q: How do you write a book about Bats? A: With a ghostwriter. Q: Did you hear about the two bats meeting? A: It was love at first bite! Q: What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? A: blood-thirsty hacker baby Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash? A: Because he had bat breath. Q: What did the pitcher tell the bat? A: Batter-up. Q: Where do bats keep their money? A: The blood bank!!! Q: How do bats tell their future? A: They read their horrorscope. Q: What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? A: Anything you want as he can't hear you! Q: What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Q: What is the first thing that bats learn at school? A: The alphabat. Q: When does a bat go ""mooooo""? A: When it is learning a new language! Q: Who were the original transformers? A: Vampire bats! Q: What's more amazing than a talking bat? A: A spelling bee! Q: What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A: A wheely bat idea. Q: What did the bat say to the diabetic? A: Nice knawing you! Q: What do you call a bat with ebola? A: African batman. Knock Knock Who's there! Bat! Bat who? Bat you'll never guess! Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the savannah. Three weeks later, a Bat walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the Bates mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the Bat. ""Your name is written inside the cover."" Night of Drinking A man and his pet Bat walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: ""Last call."" So, the man says, ""One more for me... and one more for my Bat."" The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the Bat falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: ""Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."" To which the man replies: ""That's not a lion, that's a Bat."" Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a Bat sitting next to him. ""Are you a Bat?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The Bat replied, ""Well, I liked the book.""","{
    ""12"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 12,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
13,"2018-04-12 01:21:09","Bear Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: How do you catch a fish without a fishing rod? A: With your BEAR hands. Q: Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? A: Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo Q: Why do polar bears like bald men? A: Because they have a great, white, bear place! Q: What do you call a bears without ears? A: B's Q: What is a bear's favorite drink? A: Koka-Koala! Q: What do you call a wet bear? A: A drizzly bear Q: How do you apologize to a koala? A: BEAR your heart and soul. Q: Why don't bears like fast food? A: Because they can't catch it! Q: Why did the sloth get fired from his job? A: He would only do the BEAR minimum. Q: What does pooh eat at parties? A: blue bear-y pie. Q: What do polar bears have for lunch? A: Ice burger! Q: What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands? A: Peter Panda. Q: Why did the bear dissolve in water? A: Because it was polar. Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet? A: It lives on ice! Q: Why shouldn't you take a bear to the zoo? A: Because they'd rather go to the cinema! Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A: A gummy bear! Q: What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off? A: Bipolar. Q: Why didn't the baby leave his momma? A: Because he couldn't bear it! Q: What do you call a freezing bear? A: A brrrrrrr. Q: How do you start a teddy bear race? A: Ready, teddy, GO! Q: Why was the little bear so spoiled? A: Because its mother panda'd to its every whim! Q: Why do pandas like old movies? A: Because they're in black and white. Q: How did the panda lose his dinner? A: He was ""Bamboozled""! Q. What do you get when you cross a bear with a garden? A. Squash! Q: Have you ever hunted bear? A: No, but I've been shooting in my shorts! Q: What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp? A: A bear faced lyre! Q: Did you hear about the man who tried to feed a bear an Apple? A: It didn't bear fruit. Q: What did the teddy bear say after dinner? A: I'm stuffed. Q: Why did the bear cross the road? A: It was the chickens day off! Q: Why do bears have fur coats? A: Because they'd look stupid in anoraks! Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig? A: A teddy boar! Q: What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown? A: Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin! Q: What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear? A: Winnie the PU! Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet? A: He was looking for Pooh Q: What is as big as a bear but weighs nothing? A: Its shadow! Q: What do you call a grizzly bear in a phone booth? A: Stuck! Q: What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend? A: Hunny! Q: What kind of car does Yogi bear drive? A: A Furrari. Q: How do you hire a teddy bear? A: Put him on stilts! Q: What time is it when a bear sits on your bed? A: Time to get a new bed! Q: What was Yogi bear looking for in the picnic basket? A: Just the ""Bear"" necessities. Q: Why did the bear get so scared? A: Because he looked in the mirror Q: What do you call a big white bear with a hole in his middle? A: A polo bear! I invited a teddy bear round for dinner yesterday. I offered him some food but he said no thanks I'm stuffed yo mama so fat she sat on a bear and turned it into rug A sloth in a tree bears fruit. This arguing is becoming unbearable. Yo mama is so fat that when she goes to the national park, the bears hide thier food. The Woods Two guys are walking thru the woods when they see a charging Grizzly Bear. First guy says ""Run for it!"" Second guy says, ""You can't outrun a Grizzly!"" First guy says ""I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun YOU."" Teddy Bears A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. He turns to her... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and make love. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, ""Well, how was it?"" The woman says, ""You can have any prize from the bottom shelf."" Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a bear walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the bear's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the bear. ""Your name is written inside the cover."" Night of Drinking A man and his pet bear walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: ""Last call."" So, the man says, ""One more for me... and one more for my bear."" The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the bear falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: ""Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."" To which the man replies: ""That's not a lion, that's a bear."" Goldilocks and the Three Bears Once upon a time their was three bears. They decide to take a walk in the woods as their porridge cools. When they get back they are surprised. Daddy bear said ""Who's been eating my porridge"" Mummy bear said ""Who's been eating my porridge"" Baby bear said ""Never mind about the porridge who's nicked the TV"" Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him. ""Are you a bear?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The bear replied, ""Well, I liked the book."" Front Seat A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a baby bear in the front seat. ""What are you doing with that bear?"" He exclaimed, ""You should take it to the zoo."" The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the bear again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. ""I thought you were going to take that bear to the zoo!"" The man replied, ""I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!""","{
    ""13"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 13,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
14,"2018-04-12 01:21:14","Bee Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: Why did the bee get married? A: Becase he found his honey Q: What do you call a bears without ears? A: B's Q: What do you call a wasp? A: A wanna-bee! Q: What's a bees favorite novel? A: The Great Gats-bee! Q: What do you get if you cross a bee with a door bell? A: A hum dinger! Q: Who is the bees favorite singer? A: Sting! Q: Who is the bees favorite pop group? A: The bee gees! Q: What is a bee's favorite part of a relationship? A: The Honeymoon period. Q: What did the sushi say to the bee? A: Wassabee! Q: What do you call a bee that can't stop eating? A: Chub-bee. Q: What kind of bee is a sore loser? A: a cryba-bee Q: What singer is most popular for the bees? A: Bee-yonce. Q: Who protects the Queen Bee? A: Her Hub-bee. Q: How many bees do you need in a bee choir? A: A humdred! Q. What's the last thing to go through a bees mind when it hits your windshield? A. Its bum. Q: Why did the bee go to the barbershop? A: To get a buzz-cut. Q: What did one bee say to the Queen bee? A: Your so bee-tiful! Will you bee my wife? Q: What do you call a bee born in May? A: A maybe! Q: What kind of bee can't be understood? A: A mumble bee! Q: What does a Wasp say during an Identity Crisis? A: ""TO BEE OR NOT TO BEE"" Q: What do you call a bee that lives in America? A: USB Q: Where do bees keep their money? A: In a honey box! Q: What do you get when you cross a race dog with a bumble bee? A: a Greyhound Buzz. Q: What is a bees favorite sport? A: Rug-Bee. Q: What TV station do bees watch? A: Bee bee c one! Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee? A: Neigh buzz Q: What did the bee say to the naughty bee? A: Bee-hive yourself! Q: Why did the bees go on strike? A: Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers! Q: What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk? A: An animal that stinks and stings! Q: How do you fight a killer bee? A: With a Buzz-ooka. Q: What does a queen bee do when she burps? A: Issues a royal pardon! Q: How do you propose to the queen bee? A: With a Ru-Bee ring. Q: Did you hear about the bee that was overweight? A: It had chub-bee legs and a flab-bee stinger. Q: How do you seduce a bee? A: With a succu-buzz. Q: How does a queen bee get around her hive? A: She's throne! Q: What do you call a bee that prefers nectar to pollen? A: Snob-Bee. Q: What does the bee Santa Claus say? A: Ho hum hum! Q: Why do bees hum? A: Because they've forgotten the words! Q: What kind of bees hum and drop things? A: A fumble bee! Q: What did the bee say to the flower? A: Hello honey! Q: What's a bees favorite flower? A: A bee-gonias! Q: What do you call a bee who single handedly defended the colony from a wasp attack? A: Not to shab-bee. Q: What did the confused bee say? A: To bee or not to bee! Q: What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A: A Frisbee. Q: What do bees do if they want to use public transport? A: Wait at a buzz stop! Q: What do you give a bee on the first day of class? A: A Sylla-buzz. Q: How does a bee get to class? A: On the school-buzz. Q: What is a bees favorite shape? A: A Rhom-buzz, of course. Q: Why do bees hummm? A: They forget the words to the song. Q: What do you call a bee explorer? A: Christopher Colum-buzz. Q: What do you call a bee you can't share secrets with? A: a blab-bee. Q: What's a bee-line? A: The shortest distance between two buzz-stops! Q: What is a baby bee? A: A little humbug! Q: What does a bee get at McDonalds? A: A humburger! Q: What buzzes, is black and yellow and goes along the bottom of the sea? A: A bee in a submarine! Q: What's more dangerous than being with a fool? A: Fooling with a bee! Q: What kind of animal kills a lot of people? A: Hepatitis Bee. Q: What did the spider say to the bee? A: Your honey or your life! Q: What did the bee say to the other bee when they landed on the same flower? A: Buzz off. Q: Who is a bee's favorite painter? A: Pablo Beecasso! Q: What did the bee to the other bee in summer? A: Swarm here isn't it! Q: What is a bee's favorite classical music composer? A: Bee-thoven! Q: Who writes books for little bees? A: Bee-trix Potter! Q: Where do bees go on holiday? A: Stingapore! Q: What do you call bees buzzing in unison? A: Stingalongs. Q: what does a bee style his hair with? A: a honeycomb Q: What do you call a bee who's had a spell put on him? A: He's bee-witched! Q: Why do bees buzz? A: Because they can't whistle! Q: What letter make honey? A: b Q: Can bees fly in the rain? A: Not without their little yellow jackets! Q: Why did the bee started talking poetry? A: He was waxing lyrical! Q: What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend? A: Hunny! Q: What flies in the air and goes zub zub? A: A bee flying backwords. Q: What goes zzub, zzub? A: A bee flying backwards! Q: What are the cleverest bees? A: Spelling bees! Q: What bee is good for your health? A: Vitamin bee! If you want a pet bee, you must be called a wanna-bee. Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a bumble bee sitting next to him. ""Are you a bumble bee?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The bumble bee replied, ""Well, I liked the book.""","{
    ""14"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 14,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
15,"2018-04-12 01:21:18","Bird Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: What birds spend all their time on their knees? A: Birds of prey! Q: What did they call the canary that flew into the pastry dish? A: Tweetie Pie! Q: What do you call a very rude bird? A: A mockingbird! Q: Why couldn't anyone see the bird? A: Because it was in da skies! (disguise) Q: What kind of birds do you usually find locked up? A: Jail-birds! Q: What kind of math do birds like? A: Owlgebra. Girl: One of my ex-boyfriends sounds like an owl. Boy: Who? Q: How do you get a cut-price parrot? A: Plant bird seed! Q: How did the bird break into the house? A: With a crow bar. Q: How do blue jays stay fit? A: Wormups. Q: What language do geese speak? A: Porchageese Q: What kind of bird runs the church? A: A cardinal! Q: Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? A: Because he had a very big bill. Q: How do you get a raven to stop calling? A: Take away its cell phone? Q: What do you do if a bird shits on your car? A: Don't ask her out again. Q: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? A: If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment. Q: What do you get when you cross a bird and a lawn mower? A: Shredded tweet. Why does the bird bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper. Q: What do you get when you kiss a diseased bird? A: Cherpies Q: What did the maple tree say to the woodpecker? A: Leaf me alone! Q: What does a bird like in his soup? A: Crowtons. Q: Why is a sofa like a roast chicken? A: Because they're both full of stuffing! Q: What bird movie won an Oscar? A: Lord of the Wings. Q: What do you get if you kiss a bird? A: A peck on the cheek! Q: What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek? A: Fowl play! What do birds like about outside? Debris. Q: What do you call a sick eagle? A: Illegal Q: What happens when ducks fly upside down? A: They quack up! Why did the doves miss the wedding? They were under the feather. Q: Why did the owl, owl? A: Because the woodpecker would peck 'er! Q: What does a farmer call an escaped bird? A: a loose goose. Q: What is the most uncomfortable of all birds? A: The Wedgie-tailed eagle. Q: What flies through the jungle singing opera? A: The parrots of Penzance! Q: What do you call a bird that kicks your butt? A: Steven Seagull. Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework? A: A firequaker! Q: What is a parrot's favorite game? A: Hide and Speak! Q: What books did the owl like? A: Hoot-dunits! Q: What kind of bird doesn't need a comb? A: A bald eagle. Q: Where does bird royalty live? A: Duckingham Palace. Q: What kind of bird can carry the most weight? A: The crane Q: What bird can you buy at the grocery store? A: A kiwi Q: What bird is helpful at dinner? A: A swallow! Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat? A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated! Q: What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor? A: 'The pheasants are revolting'! Q: What is the definition of Robin? A: A bird who steals! Q: What do you give a sick bird? A: Tweetment! Q: What's another name for a clever duck? A: A wise quacker! Q: Which bird is always out of breath? A: A puffin! Q: What's got six legs and can fly long distances? A: Three swallows! Q: How many cans does it take to make a bird? A: Two cans. Q: What is a duck's favorite TV show? A: The feather forecast! Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark? A: A bird that will talk you ear off! Q: What do you call a crate of ducks? A: A box of quackers! Q: What is a hawks favorite show? A: Bird ""House of Cards"". Q: How many birds does it take to change a light bulb? A: Toucan do it. Q: How do you know that owls are cleverer than chickens? A: Have you ever heard of Kentucky-fried owl! Q: Which birds steal soap from the bath? A: Robber ducks! Q: What kind of bird opens doors? A: A kiwi! Q: What do you get when you cross an owl and an oyster? A: Pearls of Wisdom Q: What language do birds speak? A: Pigeon English! Q: What do you call a duck on drugs? A: a quackhead Q: How do you get a parrot to talk properly? A: Send him to polytechnic! Q: Did you hear about the seabird that was friends with a black cat? A: It was an albatross. Q: What did the Eagle say when he was cold? A: Birrrrrd. Q: Why do hummingbirds hum? A: Because they forgot the words! Q: Where do birds invest their money? A: In the stork market! Q: Where do blind sparrows go for treatment? A: The Birds Eye counter! Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a woodpecker? A: A bird that talks in morse code! Q: What do you get when you cross a country singer with a bird? A: A Nashville warbler. Q: What do you get when you cross a canary and a lawnmower? A: Shredded tweet. Q: If there's 4 birds sitting on a fence and you get a gun and shoot one, how many are left? A: 0 birds are left because the rest fly away. Q: Why do seagulls live by the sea? A: Because if they lived by the bay they would be a bagel. Q: What do you call a woodpecker with no beak? A: A headbanger! Q: What do owls sing when it is raining? A: 'Too wet to woo'! Q: What soap do birds use? A: Dove. Q: Why do I make up really bad bird jokes? A: Just be-caws. Q: What do baby swans dance to? A: Cygnet-ure-tunes! Q: At Christmas, who brings presents and toys to all good little bird girls and boys? A: Santa Caws! Q: Why do birds fly south? A: Because it is to far to walk Q: What is Sarah Palins favorite bird? A: The artic loon. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane. If someone could convince Justin Bieber to drive Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan off of a cliff, we could kill two birds with one stoner. Birds of a feather flock together.....that is why you are not my friend. Two birds walked into a bar, the third one ducked. You want to make bird puns?.....Toucan play that game. Hi, I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one? They say the early bird catches the worm, but girl you can show up at any time and still get a bite... Knock, knock. Who's there? Who. Who who? Oh, I didn't know there was an owl in here! Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a goose walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the goose's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the goose. ""Your name is written inside the cover."" Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like an Eagle sitting next to him. ""Are you a eagle?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The eagle replied, ""Well, I liked the book."" Beautiful Blonde A guy is in a bar having a quiet drink by himself when a young beautiful blonde lady walks up to him and asks him to buy her a drink. The guy turns and says to her ""Have you ever had a BUDGIE sit on your right shoulder?"" Blonde says ""NO!"" Guy says ""Have you ever had a PARROT sit on your left shoulder?"" Blonde says ""NO!"" Guy then says, ""Aah but I bet you've had a Cock,or,too (cockatoo) in your Mouth.""","{
    ""15"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 15,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
16,"2018-04-12 01:21:24","Buffalo Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: What did mama buffalo say when her youngest went off to college? A: ""Bison!"" Q: How can you tell if a buffalo is under your sleeping bag? A: The ceiling of your tent is very close. Q: What do you find between the hooves of buffaloes? A: Slow buffalo hunters. Q: What did the grape say when the buffalo stood on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Q: What do you get when you cross peanut butter with a buffalo? A: You either get peanut butter that roams the range or a buffalo that sticks to the roof of your mouth. Q: How can you tell a buffalo from a field mouse? A: Try to pick it up. If you can't, it's either a buffalo or a very overweight mouse. Q: What time is it when a buffalo sits in your canoe? A: Time to get a new canoe. Q: How do you make sense out of a water buffalo? A: With buffalo nickels. Q: What has 2 tails, 3 horns and 6 feet? A: A water buffalo with spare parts! Q: Why did the buffalo cross the road? A: To prove to the possum that it could be done! Q: What do you call an buffalo at the North Pole? A: Lost! Q: What's brown but turns red? A: An embarrassed buffalo! Q: What the difference between a Buffalo and Bison? A: You can't wash your hands in a buffalo! Q: What is as big as a buffalo but weighs nothing? A: Its shadow! Q: What kind of car does a buffalo drive? A: A Furrari. Q: What do you call a single buffalo? A: A buffalonely Q: What is the Native Americans name for buffalo that can fly? A: Buffalo Wild Wings Q: What do you call a buffalo in a phone booth? A: Stuck! Q: What animal is always the designated driver? A: The water buffalo. Q: What happens when 2 single buffalo meet up, fall in love and run away to get married? A: they buffalope Q: What time is it when a buffalo sits on your bed? A: Time to get a new bed! Q: How do you know when there is an buffalo under your bed? A: When your nose touches the ceiling! Q: What do you call an buffalo with a carrot in each ear? A: Anything you want as he can't hear you! Q: What kind of milk comes from a forgetful buffalo? A: Milk of Amnesia Q: What do you call a buffalo that doesn't give milk? A: A MILK DUD! Q: How do you make a milkshake? A: Give a buffalo a pogo stick. Buffalo Theory A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, much like the brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. The slowest buffalo are the sick and weak so they die off first, making it possible for the herd to move at a faster pace. Like the buffalo, the weak, slow brain cells are the ones that are killed off by excessive beer drinking and socializing, making the brain operate faster. The moral of the story: Drink more beer, it will make you smarter. Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a buffalo walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the buffalo's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the buffalo. ""Your name is written inside the cover."" Night of Drinking A man and his pet buffalo walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: ""Last call."" So, the man says, ""One more for me... and one more for my buffalo."" The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the buffalo falls over dead. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave. The bartender, yells: ""Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."" To which the man replies: ""That's not a lion, that's a buffalo."" Lone Ranger The Lone Ranger and tonto were riding through the prarie when all of a sudden tonto stops and puts his ear to the ground, The Lone Ranger says ""What are you doing tonto?"" Tonto says "" kemosabbie, buffalo come"" The Lone Ranger then says, ""how can you tell?"" Tonto replies "" ear sticky"" Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a buffalo sitting next to him. ""Are you a buffalo?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The buffalo replied, ""Well, I liked the book."" Front Seat A policeman in the big city stops a man in a car with a baby buffalo in the front seat. ""What are you doing with that buffalo?"" He exclaimed, ""You should take it to the zoo."" The following week, the same policeman sees the same man with the buffalo again in the front seat, with both of them wearing sunglasses. The policeman pulls him over. ""I thought you were going to take that buffalo to the zoo!"" The man replied, ""I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!""","{
    ""16"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 16,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
17,"2018-04-12 01:21:29","Bug Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Q: How do bees brush their hair? A: With a honey comb! Q: ""Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?"" A: ""I think it's doing the backstroke!"" Q: How do bees get to school? A: On the school buzz! Q: Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? A: They got married in the spring Q: How do fireflies start a race? A: Ready, Set, Glow! Q: Where do most ants live? A: In Antlantic City! Q: When do spiders go on their honeymoon? A: After their 'webbing' day! Q: How do fleas travel? A: They itch-hike! What do you call a bug that can't have too much sugar? A: a diabeetle Q: Why couldn't the butterfly go to the dance? A: Because it was a moth ball! Q: What did one flea say to another? A: ""Should we walk or take the dog?"" Q: What do you call the animated movie about a pet bug? A: The Secret Life of Pests. Q: What did one girl firefly say to the other? A: You glow girl! Q: What do moths study in school? A: Mothematics! Q: What do you do with a sick wasp? A: Take it to a waspital! Q: What is worse than finding half a worm in your apple? A: Spitting the other half out Q: What did the sushi say to the bee? A: Wassabee! Q: What do ants use to smell good? A: Deodor-ant! Q: What do you call a bug that jumps over cups? A: A glasshopper! Q: What was the spider doing on the computer? A: Searching the web! Q: What do you call a bug with four wheels and a trunk? A: A Volkswagen Beetle! Q: What do you call a wasp? A: A wanna-bee! Q: What do fireflies eat? A: Light snacks! Q: Why did the boy throw butter out the window? A: To see butter fly. Q: What do you get when you cross an insect and a rabbit? A: Bugs Bunny! Q: What do you call two spiders who just got married? A: Newlywebs! Q: What is a caterpillar scared of? A: A dogerpillar! Q: What is a mosquito's favorite sport? A: Skin diving! Q: What kind of bugs live in clocks? A: Ticks! Q: What kind of petroleum do snails use? A: Shell! Q: What's a caterpillar's favorite weapon? A: A caterpolt! Q: How do caterpillars order the lastest fashions? A: Caterloges Q: Why don't vampires like mosquitoes? A: Too much competition! Q: Where's the best place to buy bugs? A: A flea market! Q: What so you call a snail on a ship? A: a Snailer Q: What is a bugs favorite sport? A: Cricket. Q: Why don't people like bed bugs? A: Because they get under their skin. Q: What do you call a retired boy band that like animals? A: The Beatles! Q: What do you call a beetle that can dance? A: A jitterbug. Q: Why did the bug cross the road? A: Cause he wanted to see the ""Lady bugs"" Q: How did the police get rid of the bugs? A: They called the S.W.A.T. team! Q: What did the psychiatrist say to the flower? A: ""So what's bugging you?"" Q: Why was the grocery store out of butter? A: Because Butter flies. Q: What kind of bug can't go into the men's bathroom? A: A ladybug. Q: What do you call a homeless bug? A: A bum-blebee. Q: Why was the fly looking for the garbage can? A: Because he was a litterbug. Q: How did the spider destroy the (worldwide) web? A: It gave it a bug. Q: Which is the strongest animal, snail or elephant. A: Snail because ir carries it home on its back If cockroaches can survive a nuclear blast.... What the hell is in Raid? What do you call a cricket that takes pictures? A shutterbug. What kind of car does a bug drive? A VW Beetle. My pet tarantula escaped and everybody started bugging out. I felt so guilty after I stepped on that spider this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed. Religious Cowboy The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a group of grasshoppers walked up to him carrying the Bible on their backs. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book off the grasshoppers backs, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, ""It's a miracle!"" ""Not really,"" said the grasshoppers. ""Your name is written inside the cover."" Snail A man hears a knock at his door he answers the door and when he looks at the floor he finds a snail. The man says what the heck and he picks up the snail and throws it. 15 years later he hears a knock at his door he answers the door and the snail is back and says ""What was that for?"" Nasty Little Boy A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a snail in the other. ""Now Listen here,"" the policeman said, ""Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"" ""In that case,"" said the boy. ""I'll kiss it's butt and let it go"" Movies A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a grasshopper sitting next to him. ""Are you a grasshopper?"" asked the man, surprised. ""Yes."" ""What are you doing at the movies?"" The grasshopper replied, ""Well, I liked the book.""","{
    ""17"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 17,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
18,"2018-04-12 01:21:32","Bunny Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Short Bunny Jokes Q: What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards? A: A receding hare line. Q: What did the rabbit say to the carrot? A: Its been nice gnawing you. Q: What do you call a dumb bunny? A: A hare brain. Q: How many hairs in a rabbit's tail? A: None, they're all on the outside. Q: What would you call the Easter Bunny if he married a chicken? A: The first Rabbit to lay and egg. Q: What's the difference between a healthy bunny and an odd bunny? A: One is a fit bunny, and the other's a bit funny! Q: What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? A: The police had to comb the area. Q: What do you call a bunny transformer? A: Hop-timus Prime Q: Who do you call when a rabbit needs a hair cut? A. The Hare Dresser. Q: What did the vet say after the rabbit died? A: Hare today, gone tomorrow. Q: How do you get letter to a bunny? A: Hare mail. Q: The more he takes away the bigger it becomes. What is it? A: A rabbit hole. Q: How is a rabbit like a Q-tip? A: They both have cotton tails. Q: Did you hear about the rich bunny? A: He was a millionhare! Q: Why did the bunny like the adventure? A: It was a ""hare-raising tail"" Q: What is the difference between a crazy rabbit and a counterfeit cent? A: One is a mad bunny and the other is bad money. Q: What would you call a rabbit who is mad at the sun? A: A hot cross bunny. Q: What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit? A: A bunny ribbit. Q: What do you call a happy bunny? A: An Hop-timist. Q: What would you get if you crossed a rabbit with a bumblebee? A: A honey bunny. Q: How is a rabbit like a cornstalk? A: They both have big ears. Q: Why is a leaky faucet like a cowardly bunny? A: Because it runs. Q: Why is a rabbit like a cent? A: Because it has a head on one end and a tail on the other. Q: What do you call a bunny who tells jokes? A: A funny bunny! Q: Whats a bunnys favorite place to hang out? A: Ihop! Q: How are bunnies like calculators? A: They can multiply real fast! Q: What is a bunny's favorite dance? A: The bunny hop! Q: What kind of books do bunnies read? A: The ones with hoppy endings! Q: What did the bunny give his girlfriend when he asked her to marry him? A: A 13-carrot ring! Q: Do bunnies use combs? A: No, they use hare brushes! Q: Why did the little girl wash her bunny? A: Because her hare was dirty! Q: Why did the bunnies go on strike? A: They wanted a raise in celery! Q: Where do Easter bunnies go to dance? A: To the Basket ball! Q: How do bunnies get from one vegetable garden to another? A: They take a taxi cabbage! Q: What do you call a bunny that has fleas? A: Bugs Bunny! Q: How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? A: Did you ever see a bunny with glasses?! Q: What kind of music does a bunny listen to? A: Hip Hop! Q: Why are bunnies so smart? A: Because they know how to multiply! Q: How do bunnies keep their fur neat? A: They use a harebrush! Q: Why is a bunny's nose always so shiny? A: Because his powder puff is at the wrong end! Q: What do you call a bunny in a kilt? A: Hopscotch. Q: What do you call a holiday that bunnies go when when they first get married? A: Bunnymoon! Q: Which bunnies were famous bank robbers? A: Bunny and Clyde! Q: What kind of cars do bunnies drive? A: Hop rods! Q: What do bunnies sing at birthday parties? A: Hoppy birthday to you! Q: What did the carrot say to the bunny rabbit? A: Do you want to grab a bite? Q: What did the bunnies say when the farmer caught them kissing in the garden? A: Lettuce alone! Q: What do you call a bunny with oodles of money? A: A billion-hare! Q: What do you call two bunnies racing down the road? A: The fast and the furriest. Q: What game do little bunnies like to play? A: Hopscotch! Q: Why did the bunny get so mad? A: She was having a bad hare day! Q: How do you catch a unique bunny? A: Unique up on it! Q: how do you catch a tame bunny? A: Tame way, unique up on it! Why does the bunny bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper. My parents accused me of being a liar, i looked them in the face and said, ""tooth fairy, Santa, Easter bunny"" and walked away like a boss. Baby, my love for you is like the Energizer bunny; it just keeps going and going The only truly rich bunny is the one who realizes he has enough carrots. Bunny Bar Jokes Energizer Bunny Dies By Eaton Beaver Associated Press Writer - April 15, 2010 8:18 am EST The Energizer Bunny, known best for, ""going and going and going..."" passed away last evening at 12:39am. Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the chief medical examiner ruled that the death was caused by acute cardiac arrest, induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone put the battery in backwards and the bunny kept coming and coming and coming,... Foul play has not been ruled out.","{
    ""18"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 18,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
19,"2018-04-12 01:21:36","Bunny and the Bear Joke","Back to: Animal Jokes A bear was chasing this bunny around a forest. They ran into a clearing and were running around a certain huge redwood where a genie lived. The genie got so tired of the racket that he finally came out and told the pair that he would grant them 3 wishes a piece if they would just leave him alone. The pair agreed. The bear said he would go first. ""I wish...that all the bears in this forest were female."" The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and asked for a helmet. The bear thought that strange but continued. ""I wish...that all the bears in this country to be female!"" The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned again and wished for a motorcycle. He jumped on the bike, put on his helmet and started gunning it. The bear looked at the bunny and said, ""You must be the stupidest bunny I ever met!"" Then he asked for his last wish. ""I wish...that all the bears in this world to be female!"" The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and said, ""I wish the bear was gay.""","{
    ""19"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 19,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"
20,"2018-04-12 01:21:38","Camel Jokes","Back to: Animal Jokes Camel Short Jokes Q: Why are camels called ships of the desert? A: Because they are filled with Arab semen! Q: What do you call a camel without a hump? A: Humphrey (Hump-free). Q: Did you hear about the camel who was accused of stock fraud? A: He took part in a hump and dump scheme. Q: Why did the Taliban school alternate Sex Education classes with Drivers Ed.? A: They only had one camel. Q. What do you call a Taliban who owns six camels? A. A pimp! Q: How do you have sex with a camel? A: One hump at a time. Q: What do camels use to hide themselves? A: Camelflauge! Q. What weekday is a Camel always looking forward to? A. Wednesday (Hump Day) Q: What do you call 144 camels in a box? A: Gross! Q: What is a camels favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpty Dumpty Do you like Camels cause we can go hump back at my place. Camel Bar Jokes General In the Foreign Legion This general in the Foreign Legion is transferred to a new fort, and half way through his tour of the place, he spots a mangey old camel tied up at the back of the fort. He turns to the corporal: ""What in God's name do you use that for?"", he asks. The corporal replies ""Well, sir, there are a lot of men, and now and then, they become, shall we say, horny...."" ""Ah, yes, yes, I understand. Fine, move on"" About 6 weeks later, the general wakes up feeling so horny, he'd get up on the crack of dawn and calls the corporal. ""Bring me to the camel"" says he. The corporal does, and once at the camel, he makes it stand up, and places a stool behind it. With that, the general stands on the stool, takes out Mr Floppy and inserts it into the camel. He then proceeds to give it the ride of its life. Having finished, he puts away his equipment, and looks proudly at the corporal. ""Well"", he says, ""is that the way you men do it around here?"" ""Er...no, sir"", replies the corporal, ""We normally just use the camel to ride to the nearest brothel."" Elephant & Camel The elephant asked the camel: ""Why do you have your breasts on your back?"" The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies: ""What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face."" Middle of the Sahara Desert A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke. ""Well sister, this looks pretty grim."" ""I know, father."" ""In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two."" ""I agree."" ""Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?"" ""Anything father."" ""I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours."" ""Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."" The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. ""Sister would you mind if I touched them?"" She consented and he fondled them for several minutes. ""Father, could I ask something of you?"" ""Yes sister?"" ""I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"" ""I supposed that would be OK,"" the priest replied lifting his robe. ""Oh father, may I touch it?"" This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection. ""Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life."" ""Is that true father?"" ""Yes it is, sister."" ""Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and lets get the hell out of here."" Englishman, Irishman, & Scotsman An englishman an irishman and a scotsman were in the sweltering desert walking around looking desperatly for something to eat and drink, when, as if out of nowhere, a camel appeared. The englishman caught the camel and spluttered I support ""Liverpool, so I suppose I better eat the liver."" The scotsman immediately shouted, ""Well I support Hearts so I'll eat the heart."" And then the rather mentally challenged irishman said, ""I support Arsenal, but I don't feel hungry any more.""","{
    ""20"": {
        ""category_1_x_joke.id"": 20,
        ""category_1.id"": 1,
        ""category_1.ts"": ""2018-04-12 01:14:14"",
        ""category_1.title"": ""Animal Jokes""
    }
}"