Working as a secretary in an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to the room where security temporarily holds suspects. One day, security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room. After a few minutes, the door opened and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there and don't you come out until you're told!" The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the women reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released the very frightened telephone repairman.

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Me too," said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate and ate and ate until they could eat no more. "I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree," said the first one. "Me neither, let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun," said the second. "Okay," said the first. They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tomcat snuck up and gobbled them up. As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, "I love baskin' robins."

A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it. His mom said, "Sure, sweetie. I'll will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uhh, oh yeah, okay," responded the kid. So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, her husband asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?" She said, "Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20 and the other for $1000 out to him." "That's $1020!" yelled her husband. "Are you crazy?" "Don't worry, Hon," she said. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!"

A Judge sentences the same repeat offender to prison for life this time, because of a white collar crime that he was found guilty of by a jury. The man is greeted by the same Corrections Officer that he first met twenty years ago. Guard: "Well, look who's back again! You just can't stay out of trouble, now can you?" Inmate: "You need to be more appreciative and thankful for my return." Guard: "Really now! And why is that?" Inmate: "Because without people like me in this world, you'd be out of a job!"

Robinson Crusoe, the shipwrecked golfer, made the best of his tiny island. When a cruise liner spotted his distress signals and sent a boat to investigate, the landing party was amazed to find a crude but recognizable nine-hole course which the castaway had played with driftwood woods, whalebone and coral putter and balls carved out of pumice stone. "Quite a layout," said the officer in charge of the rescuers. "You're too kind, it's very rough and ready," the goatskin-clad golfer responded. Then he smiled slyly, "I am however, quite proud of the water hazard."

I was eating lunch on the 18th of February with my 10-year-old grandson and I asked him, "What day is tomorrow?" He said, "It's President's Day!" I asked, "What does President's Day mean?" I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln, etc. He replied, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House. If he sees his shadow we have one more year of unemployment."

As the only vegetarian in the family, the mother of the house often gets tired of defending her food choices to other family members. She didn't realize how often the subject is actually discussed until one day, when she picked up her six-year-old, Jordan, from school. His class had made chickens using potatoes and paper feathers. Jordan proudly presented his little project, announcing excitedly, "Mom, we finally have the kind of meat even you can eat!"

A lawyer was on vacation in a small farming town. While walking through the streets on a quiet Sunday morning, he came upon a large crowd gathered by the side of the road. Going by instinct, the lawyer figured that there was some sort of auto collision. He was eager to get to the injured parties but couldn't get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

A man was very much in love with a woman. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life. That evening he ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet. The fellow never found out what made his girlfriend so angry with him.